Thursday, February 23, 2012

I've changed by not changing at all...

I suppose you could say that I am a bit of a Pearl Jam fan, based on the title of my post. In fact, I can remember listening to the album “Ten” while riding in a white Chevette with my girlfriend (now wife of 16 years) and jamming out to life in general. In a weird de ja vu, I still feel the same way while listening to the same music on my iPod as I drive the Tactical Family Vehicle (mini-van). However, I know that I have changed, but maybe not as much as I have thought; or, I am redefining who I thought I was in light of where I am.  Let me try to explain.

When I was younger, I was a bit of an idealist. In fact, you might say that while I was hard working, I was still hoping to do something that in my brain would be considered ‘great’. As I have become older, and perhaps a bit world weary, I have realized that I am actually living that idealized life. I am happily married, and have four wonderful daughters. On top of that, I am able to be around young men and women who are in the Army and am helping them develop into fuller people. So I guess you could say that I actually have had an impact on the world, at least in my little sphere of it.

Now, as I look toward the future, after twelve years of Army living, I am at another crossroads. How do I want to continue to be a person that has a voice, that can help others, that can maybe make a small bit of change? The twenty year plan that I had has obviously changed, and I am still adjusting to that. I do know that I will land on my feet, but right now I am hoping to land in such a way that I can still be who I am. I want to enjoy the job that I have. While I may complain (greatly, if you ask my wife) as to the Army, and how it is trying to squeeze the last bit of blood out of this turnip, I want a job where I can make a difference, and help those who are unable to do so themselves.  The process of changing is not something to be feared, but as human beings, we are uncomfortable with change. 

In the end, I know that this will end well. While I may not be able to tell anyone on this day what the future will hold, I do know that it will be ok.  And perhaps the greatest part of this is that I am living each day to its fullest, and enjoying a meal with my family at the end of a day.  That, is something that will not chage.